Where Am I?

What is happening? I know, I have been absent for over a week now. I have thought a lot about how to pick up and move forward. I struggle between the notion of being “real” and just letting it all out on the table, and censoring details that really need not be disclosed with a wider population at the moment. If I knew the details could help someone else, I would probably share openly. However, at present I feel it would just be me sharing my “mess” and would neither be helpful to those involved in my life, as well as anyone who chose to follow this journey, based on my physique goals.

The gist? As I mentioned last week, the MRI came back normal. I later found out the blood work was deemed as normal as well. What does this mean? Stress really kicked my booty! So what was I to do next? I have had such a hard time believing, accepting rather, stress could cause such acute physical symptoms to a person’s body. However, it seemed time I begin to understand it and really get to the bottom of what was/is going on. The book I was reading, “The DNA of Relationships”, really assisted me in this process, as Smalley suggests, “The relationships DNA code is made up of three simple yet profound strands: You are made for relationships. You are made with the capacity to choose. You are made to take responsibility for yourself.”

Helping me go back nearly thirteen years to times when I experienced other neurological issues, and how those episodes correlated to incidences that caused some of my major fear buttons (one of the key elements of the “capacity to choose” strand) to be pushed. At the time, I didn’t realize those buttons existed, and I especially didn’t know they were being pushed – I was simply reacting because of deeply rooted anxieties. Now I can see what my triggers are, how I have been responding, and choose to respond differently. Unfortunately, I was tested with the new material I recently acquired, over the weekend. Yes, it was yet another incident I had no control over, did not ask for, and completely threw me for a loop. However, this time I was able to keep it in perspective, and chose to respond in a way that did not make things worse, but enabled me to care for myself and my children.

I had to make some difficult decisions, but I know those decisions support taking care of my children the best I can right now, as well as myself. This week, I noticed no symptoms, like I would have in the past. I chose to get back into my workout routine, with an emphasis more on cardio than weights, since cardio is a huge stress reducer for me. I also continued with AI Paleo (after the Halloween weekend, this was very welcome!) and incorporated daily doses of super foods like avocado, coconut and Gogi Acai flavored Green Superfood. Supplements stayed the same: D3, B12, and Omega 3’s, as well as GABA at night. Sleep has been OK, still working on not waking up a couple times in the night. Finally, stress reduction is my main focus right now.

Prayer, time with my girls, stretching, and getting my cardio in is all helping me keep my stress levels lower. Additionally, I am endeavoring to make the following part of my morning prayer routine in asking the Lord to help me: reduce all my earthly expectations to as close to zero as possible, receive everything that happens to me as filtered by God, view every upsetting experience as an opportunity to worship, and rest in God, listen quietly, and ask for His guidance. I will find it extremely revelatory if I begin to lose excess body fat as a result of this monumental break-through. I know that sounds dramatic, but it really is a huge deal for me. Since 2001 I have carried roughly the same amount of body fat, without it seemingly able to budge. For thirteen years, I have experienced a consistent level of stress, being exposed to I’m sure unhealthy amounts of cortisol and adrenaline, which science tells us is detrimental to the body. I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.

Have a great weekend!