Hello! I’m hoping I can get all this out on my lunch hour AND post it at the same time. I’m going to be honest, this morning has been a challenge. So much so, I have physically wanted to puke. Don’t worry, I’m not sick. But my heart hurts. So if you could send some prayers up to the big guy, I would TRULY appreciate it :)
Because of my angst this morning, I was tempted to not bother with writing this post, but I sense someone NEEDS to read it. Regardless of my current circumstances, I need to remain faithful to what God calls me to and retain my posture of faith and follow through with doing the will of God – NOT get caught up in my own emotions and dismiss the call. In my last post I expressed I was going to be entering a season of deliberate prayer, in hopes of discovering the direction to go next. God has been meeting me.
As I prayed, I kept returning to what I consider the darkest time of my life. The time when it seemed like I had been abandoned by those I shouldn’t have and literally left for death, even by God. I kept dismissing the memory, not wanting to go there and feel all the difficult emotions that accompanied that time in my life, besides, it was four years ago. The Sunday after the witness post, my Pastor shared a sermon on Gifts of the Holy Spirit. Talk about lighting a fire in my soul! I felt the entire message resonated and I was EXCITED about what God had been doing and what He was going to continue to do. As I explored what I am passionate about, the abilities I know God has endowed me with, and what others tend to say about my abilities/gifts, this conclusion was drawn for me:
Out of necessity, I began a journey of becoming whole in spirit, soul and body four years ago. This has recently translated to passing along information to other women and helping them; it is a ministry of sorts. My role is to encourage and help others like my husband, children, family and community to also become whole, with the purpose of drawing them closer to the Lord. I'm an ideator. God has blessed me with a gift of helping others become unstuck, by seeing what others might not see, and then helping them make change a reality. While I love serving in this capacity part-time if you will, I see myself helping more individuals, full-time and less constrained by a work schedule.
Again, what it all looks like and how it may take shape, I don’t know. I’m leaving it up to God. But then – THEN – this past Sunday, my Pastor delivers a message on “Why Does God Go Silent and What Do I do?”. Woah. Again, I am taken back to that time in my life when I felt forgotten, confused and consumed by despair. As my Pastor read through Psalm 13:1-6, I raised my hand several times (per his request, not because I’m a loony ;) ), as I recalled the moments surrounding that stepping stone in my life.
You read that right. The moments surrounding the STEPPING STONE in my life. How could I possibly call a time like that, a stepping stone? Well, as was taught Sunday, many people in the Bible share similar experiences of feeling forgotten, abandoned and in despair. When they came out of those experiences, they were better equipped to serve the Lord to the capacity at which HE was calling them to. That stepping stone into the pit of darkness, with potential to consume and devour, made stronger and established a resolve in the lives of those who reminded themselves of God’s unfailing love and His goodness! Once we finally learned we needed to rely on Him to help us out off that stone, we emerged with a greater resolve to whole heartedly serve the Lord from a place of love, and with a compassion for others.
Holie molie! God was right on! Again! That time in my life DID humble me. I was compelled to walk by faith not by sight, re-believe the Gospel, re-orient my feelings around God’s Word (not others), confront known sin in my life (it was there), go back to what I know (recounting ALL the times God had been faithful), again choose sides and ultimately keep my posture. You see, that last one is where I had remained distanced in the past. I would allow my posture to be compromised. Inside I would allow my emotions to take over, return to bad habits and thought processes, and throw in the towel so to speak.
Perhaps this reminder is occurring to help me nestle it in at the forefront of my mind, as I choose to move forward. I know this morning the revelation is already being tested. If you’re reading this and you feel like you are struggling, please hold on. Hold on to the One Whose unfailing love abounds, Whose goodness is always there, and Whose faithfulness WILL keep you. God can and will take what feels like might destroy you, and transform it into an opportunity for His glory and answer to prayer in someone else’s life. Hold on. Keep your faith. Retain your posture. And let me know if I can join you in prayer.
Have a great day!
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